I had a very interesting conversation with my mom about a month ago. She revealed to me that some family members were “concerned” that I didn’t have a man and that I rarely seemed to date. The sentiment was that I need to “lower my standards” and “stop being so picky” when it comes to men. Needless to say I was completely taken aback by this revelation.
First of all, did anyone bother to ask what my standards are? How do you know my standards are too high? And if they are, why should I lower them? Oh, I can’t have standards because I’m a big girl? All of these questions came to mind because I’m pretty much the only fat person in my family. I have two sisters who are on the slender side and my brothers, while big guys, are tall and well…men. And we all know it’s okay for them to have a little extra sumthin’, sumthin’. To be fair, I don’t know if their suggestion that I settle is driven more by my size or my age, since I am knocking on 40’s door, but based on previous conversations, I firmly believe it’s rooted in my physical appearance. I’ve always been a little larger than everyone else, however, at 220 lbs and a size 18, this is the largest I’ve ever been and some of my relatives have begun to take notice. There seems to be a general consensus that a plus size woman has limited options when it comes to men and should take whatever she can get.
This couldn’t be further from the truth. Just in case you hadn’t heard, there are many men who prefer plus-size women. Just Google “BBWs & dating.” – the search results speak volumes. And it’s not just the “chubby chasers” who are fans. Don’t forget the equal opportunity daters who just like women in general and don’t mind a few extra pounds or curves. So, why am I still single? Well, to be honest, I haven’t really met anyone worth my time or attention. Do I get approached? Oh, most definitely. Are these men I can envision a future with? Uh…no. Pookey, Man-Man and Rayquan may be a catch to some, but I’m sorry, I actually require a little more from a man than just a penis!
The truth is, it never occurred to me to settle for less than I want or deserve in a mate. I’ve always dated men who were educated, upwardly mobile and quite attractive. While this may be surprising to many, because let’s face it, society would have you believe that any desirable man, would never be interested in a fat chick. Well, don’t be fooled. And don’t underestimate big girls. There are many gorgeous and successful men who appreciate a woman with luscious curves and who are proud to be seen with a beautiful, confident woman of size. Just ask my exes.
4 comments
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May 14, 2009 at 4:11 am
musicalnote
Why did you end things with your exs that lead you to being single,
May 14, 2009 at 4:36 am
dnyree
I actually could have sworn that I’d commented on this blog already, and I’ll defer to dliteful on why her x-factor exists… From my personal experience a breakup was either based on infidelity (on his part), or differences in goals/values. Doesn’t mean anyone should make their standards any lower. I totally support dliteful in her quest, and have unfortunately been subject to some of the “pookies” and “man-man’s” of the world – and while it’s their choice to want who they want, it’s also my choice to decide NOT to want them.
May 14, 2009 at 1:31 pm
dliteful
As dynree pointed out, there were a number of reasons why these relationships ended – from growing apart to discovering we had different ideas on commitment. There’s no guarantee a relationship will last, however, the point is I’ve never had problems meeting and dating highly desirable men. Although in the past couple of years, it’s become more of a challenge.
August 26, 2009 at 12:32 am
Brandon St. Randy
hmm. I have a comment but not sure how to phrase it so as not to offend. Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.