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I had a very interesting conversation with my mom about a month ago. She revealed to me that some family members were “concerned” that I didn’t have a man and that I rarely seemed to date. The sentiment was that I need to “lower my standards” and “stop being so picky” when it comes to men. Needless to say I was completely taken aback by this revelation.
First of all, did anyone bother to ask what my standards are? How do you know my standards are too high? And if they are, why should I lower them? Oh, I can’t have standards because I’m a big girl? All of these questions came to mind because I’m pretty much the only fat person in my family. I have two sisters who are on the slender side and my brothers, while big guys, are tall and well…men. And we all know it’s okay for them to have a little extra sumthin’, sumthin’. To be fair, I don’t know if their suggestion that I settle is driven more by my size or my age, since I am knocking on 40’s door, but based on previous conversations, I firmly believe it’s rooted in my physical appearance. I’ve always been a little larger than everyone else, however, at 220 lbs and a size 18, this is the largest I’ve ever been and some of my relatives have begun to take notice. There seems to be a general consensus that a plus size woman has limited options when it comes to men and should take whatever she can get.
This couldn’t be further from the truth. Just in case you hadn’t heard, there are many men who prefer plus-size women. Just Google “BBWs & dating.” – the search results speak volumes. And it’s not just the “chubby chasers” who are fans. Don’t forget the equal opportunity daters who just like women in general and don’t mind a few extra pounds or curves. So, why am I still single? Well, to be honest, I haven’t really met anyone worth my time or attention. Do I get approached? Oh, most definitely. Are these men I can envision a future with? Uh…no. Pookey, Man-Man and Rayquan may be a catch to some, but I’m sorry, I actually require a little more from a man than just a penis!
The truth is, it never occurred to me to settle for less than I want or deserve in a mate. I’ve always dated men who were educated, upwardly mobile and quite attractive. While this may be surprising to many, because let’s face it, society would have you believe that any desirable man, would never be interested in a fat chick. Well, don’t be fooled. And don’t underestimate big girls. There are many gorgeous and successful men who appreciate a woman with luscious curves and who are proud to be seen with a beautiful, confident woman of size. Just ask my exes.
Hello to all my “curvalous” cuties. I’m the other “d” in this pair. Just call me dliteful. Before I start to post my own personal musings and observations about living life as a fabulous big gurl, I wanted to take the time out to share a little bit about myself.
Like my counterpart, dnyree, my love affair with fashion began at a very young age. I had the wonderful experience of growing up in a family of hair stylists or “hairdressers” as we say in the Lou. My mother, grandmother and aunties were some of the flyest, fiercest women on the planet and took “dressing” to a whole notha level! I was surrounded on a daily basis by women who were not afraid to express themselves through fashion. From my M’dear’s tangerine Halston jumpsuit to my mama’s multi-colored, patchwork suede hot pants with matching vest (yes, I said matching vest), the women in my family loved clothes and did not let their curves stop them from celebrating fashion in all of its finest. So, I come by this affliction honestly. And I’m going to continue to celebrate who I am and all of my fabulousness. As Zora Neale Hurston once said:
“Those that don’t got it, can’t show it. Those that got it, can’t hide it.”
Keep it thyck and sexy, ladies.
dliteful
